so here i am, grateful to feel anything because for some reason theres this overwhelming numbness that i cant seem to get away from. i've dubbed it my 1/5 life crisis. ripe ol' age of 17 and 11 months, ive let the rain start to fall a little. a little more than a light drizzle- a few puddles here and there, and occasionally a little blue in the sky. i cant seem to do anything but dream but dreaming is what scares me most right now. i dont know. theres something so terrifying about "laying all your cards out on the table"- its a strange feeling of triumph just for having the courage for doing it at all. even if it hurts a little. the strange thing is, the things i love, the things that are so deeply embedded in my blood, pumping through my veins, are making me hurt. but something about the hurt is comforting, because i know that hurt is better than nothing at all. and the hurt is only temporary, i hope. i hope that soon i wont have to close my eyes to smile.