sceretlek July 10

...means i love you. my friends here insist it is by far the most beautiful, poetic word in the hungarian language. indeed, it is lovely to say. it rolls of the tongue more easily than other hungarian words. it feels more like velvet while other words are closer to cotton balls or papier maché (read: üborko, cükorizo).

hi pigeon i just wanted to say hi. i was thinking about something lately and i thought i might talk to you because, really, who else would i tell? so here goes...

being here has taught me so much about what it is like to be an immigrant. i mean, it pales in comparison, because of course, immigrants to a new country do not have a village waiting for them with love and food and fun. but on a very basic level, when it comes to leaving every single thing i have ever known to go to a place where everything is new and uncomfortable, i feel like an immigrant. I didnt even know how to say yes (igen) or no (nem) before I came here...and thats scary to think about now. i think of my parents, who knew enough english to get by but knew less about american culture, and how they managed to become fluent in a language, fluent in an economic and social environment, and fluent in the constant reminder that they are in a land so far away from home. i think i took that for granted for a long time...for my whole life, really. now, i am grateful to them for leaving a place i have seen riddled with social and economic injustice to take me somewhere where I am part of a cultural playground. in india my life would have been radically different--that goes without saying. but what is startling to me is that i was so close to that life. i was just a single generation away from being born and raised there, and probably would have had to do what my mother and father did--move away to another continent forever-- in order to live the life i wanted. Here, in hungary, where i could be easily mistaken for a gypsy, i might as well be a black woman in alabama in 1964. but in the us, im one of millions of indians who are successful, who are welcomed, and who contribute to the life and flavor of american culture. thats amazing. i feel so lucky to have the luxury of taking diversity, good coffee and wifi for granted. i feel so lucky to have been raised just a few steps away from an amazing burrito, an otherwordly falafel, and my moms authentic indian cooking. i can walk down the street and hear french, chinese, spanish and english in a matter of blocks: that is beautiful. and i am learning now that that is uniquely american. and i guess it all sounds a little cliche, but i think i can say... im proud to be an american (cue music).Sylvia plath once said, "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted." I think this is why my heart calls to me so ferociously, and why i cannot dismiss it, no matter how hard i try: because i want to become acutely aware. because this might be the overriding theme of my life. i hope it is.
love
chicken.