after too long away from my sari, i put it on today, trying to remember the perfect number of pleats that always made it fall just the right way, and the perfect length it needed to be to tie around my waist. i started to get nervous as i wrapped myself up in this sort of inherited wrapping paper, worrying that i had been out of practice for too long, that maybe it would be easier to just miss one more class. but as i willed myself into the yards of fabric, still embedded with the familiar scent of washed-out sweat stains mixed with scented fabric softener, i began to feel a little more like myself.

when the dancing started, i stopped thinking. i forgot how beautiful that is; how my spine tingles when the music starts to play, and how my toes begin to twitch as they remember the movements to the dances i thought i had forgotten.

by the end of class, my back was sore, my face was red, and my feet were throbbing, the way a baby feels when she is born. maybe the way we all feel when we're born again, in different ways.
it's funny to think that i almost forgot about this part of me; it's scary to think that i almost wanted to forget about this part of me. it's comforting to know that regardless of how far i get away from it, i'll always come back.

i think if, for one solitary second, i ever thought that i was in over my head, i proved myself wrong. and im so happy i did. its funny that going into something thinking "if i can do this, i can do anything", i never thought what it would be like afterward. i didnt even consider what it would feel like to actually do it. its incredible. i've still got a lot to do, but i feel so comfortable with the challenges ahead of me. they dont scare me as much as they did before, and that feels good-- to feel just a little bit taller after so much work, so little sleep, so many challenges. i like that this feeling isn't wearing off, and i hope it never does. this is cool.
and it doesnt hurt that after nine months of no real social life, i finally get it back