can you say guyash party? July 27, 2009

Hello lovebirds,
week two over here in alsobodok. the first week went by surprisingly fast. it was difficult, but brief. definitely tested my emotions and grew me up just a little bit more. im hoping for the next two weeks to follow suit. thats not to say im not having a good time here. i am. i am making friends and my host family is really starting to open up to me. i think the difference between to two villages is mainly this: my first village liked me before they ever met me, which is why when i left, we were all at the love stage, already like family. this village, however, really didnt care about my being here for some good reasons...
1. this is the 7th year the village is hosting a volunteer, so its really not so novel that im here.
2. the mayor is kind of a prick and a bully. he never asked my host family if they wanted to host me, he basically just told my host sister one day that i was going to be staying with them for 3 weeks whether they liked it or not.
3. other people planted toxic preconceived notions in their heads. now that my family likes me so much, they feel its ok for them to laugh with me about all the stuff people told them about americans-- that we are spoiled and rude, demanding and thoughtless. my family really just expected me to be a monster, which i guess makes it easier to prove them wrong!
anyways, thats what i spent this past week doing-- breaking down the walls that they had put up. and i think its safe to say ive done it. this morning my host mother said i was part of the family. my host sister said i was like her sister. thats a big deal considering i look like a gypsy (i will explain in more detail when i get back)
on saturday we had a guyash party, which is basically the hungarian equivalent of grilling out. we all went up to the vineyard and made guyash outside. it was delicious, and many friends and family stopped by. on sunday, my host brother, a couple of other guys and i hiked up a few slovak mountains. it took 3 hours or so, but it was awesome. it was about time i got a real work out! this weekend im going to prague with the other volunteers. i am so excited. its my motivation for getting through the week!
to be honest, another thing i am learning is that i dont want to be a teacher. not that i dont love this program and the kids and the teaching, in fact, i think im pretty good at it. but it doesnt fulfill me the way i think a profession should. which brings me to my most recent discovery: the truest challenge comes when the enthusiasm runs out and you must rely solely on willpower to complete a task. i think this goes for most things. we cant be excited all the time about the endeavors we take on, but what shows us our strength is how we handle things after the honeymoon is over.
not that my honeymoon is over--far from it. in fact, i am still loving this, the traveling, the immersion. im already planning my journeys for the coming years. i ache for new york. i ache to see you girls and be a part of your adventures in our apple. its so good to hear about the magic that is happening in your lives, and i want too badly to be a part of it again. soon enough, though. its hard to believe that in 4 days I will be in prague. in 11 days i will be back in budapest. in 16 i will be in Cyprus. in 23 i will be in manhattan! what a life!i applied to my first job from abroad today. it was for an imprint of simon and schuster, the huge publishing house. it was such a thrill to write in my cover letter, "Currently, I am in rural Slovakia teaching English, creating and executing daily lesson plans and becoming acutely aware of the power of language." i hope i hear back from them. i plan on applying to as many jobs as i can while im over here. it will give me something to focus on and probably ease my transition back into reality. ok enough about me.
keep talking about you.

To my teacher, mentor and friend, Mrs. Kronstadt (Kman) July 24, 2009

Kmannnnn,
Here I am, in my second Hungarian village. After 3 incredible weeks in Csatar, Hungary, I have landed in Alsobodok, a tiny village about an hour outside of Komarno. This has been quite the journey. I was thinking about you this morning while teaching my morning class, and decided i should write and see how you are... And, of course, talk about myself.
To catch you up: I started out with a brief 3-day orientation in Budapest, with the other volunteers in my program. Theres about 15 of us. Theyre from all over, but mostly Washington DC or California, mostly students at georgetown or stanford. What an amazing group. you know how they say that trauma can bond people? well we were all going through a common, "What the HELL am i doing?" phase, and we bonded pretty quickly. Needless to say, i have made lasting friends on this journey. It is intoxicating to be among such adventurous, curious, friendly, kind people. ive found my favorite way to ease fear is to lather up on the enthusiasm and with them theres plenty of that to go around!
anyways, after budapest, we were put on a train to western hungary, to a city called Zalaegerszeg. Zalaegerszeg is a "large" city of about 60,000, surrounding which many of us were stationed in nearby villages. I lived in a village of 500 called Csatar and taught just across the street in a village of 1100 called Bocfolde. I wish there was an easy way to describe my experience there without sucking dry a well of clichés. Yea, it changed my life. It made me see the world in a different way. it opened my eyes and i realized how similar and different we are from one another. it really did all those things. i was welcomed into these villages, chock-full of the most boisterous, jovial, excited men and women ive ever seen in one place. none of whom spoke a word of english. Well, thats not true-- there were two people in the village who spoke english, both were wonderful. but i had the most fun when i was with the people who knew none. i picked up some hungarian in those 3 weeks, and it got easier and easier to understand bits and pieces of the language.
i wish i could tell you everything i did in one email, but theres just too much. i wrote down all the things i did everyday, to make sure i would never forget, so maybe when i get you on the phone someday ill read off the milelong list. I met incredible people who became dear friends in too short a time. it broke my heart to leave them, but i had to come to my new village. so, after an elaborate dinner set up by the mayor, where a magazine came to write a profile on me (they promised to send me a copy), a tearful goodbye, and a five hour train ride, I was in Komarno. There, i met up with the other volunteers for a few days before heading to my new village. and now, here I am, in Alsobodok, a much more quiet village in Slovakia. this experience is very different from the one i had in Hungary, but i can just feel the courage from it seeping into my pores. and as homesick as i am for more places than i can count-- la, ny, and csatar--i hear you in my head saying, "if you do it once, youve done it, if you do it twice, you can do it," and i feel brave.
Thats not to say im ready to come home, because im not. besides, i have more stops to make before i fly back. So far, ive seen more than i have ever before. ive been to budapest, to rural hungary, to ljublana, slovenia (the other volunteers and i had a CRAZY day there...only when youre 21 can you rationalize traveling for 10 hours to party for 24!), and to komarno. next weekend i will be in prague, then the following weekend ill be back in budapest, and then ill be in cyprus for a week of glorious relaxation before heading back to my island. I have a 12 hour nighttime layover in london that i might spend running around the jolly ol town. By the time i return to my manhattan, on august 18, i will have stepped foot in 6 different countries, one of which I didnt know existed until 2 months ago (slovenia) and another whose language ive learned solely by way of immersion (hungary).
so here i am, satisfying my curiosity and learning the ways of these people. there is so much more to talk about, and i cant wait to tell you more about it. is there any chance youll be in new york in the fall? im thinking about coming back to la for a little bit, but i have to find a job first--thats another thing im devoting my free time to while im over here. The Job Hunt. yuck. I figure this is a good time to apply, while i sit here on the other side of the world, feeling brave, seeing what else i can do.
i love you, kman.
foram

Also, Alsobodok July 20, 2009

Hello lady loves,
I am in a new village again, just as i was beginning to call csatar home. and to be honest, my heart is a little bit broken. i am homesick for more places than i can count, for more people than i can count. I dont want to be a cry baby, so ill tell you more about it in person, when it doesnt ache so much. this village is very different so imtrying to adjust as quickly as possible. here are some good things about it:
1. my host sister speaks some english!
2. i live in the house with the family, so i get to spend more time with them
3. there is a tv with AMERICAN channels! man, i love cnn.
4. my host mother cooks great food
5. i get to walk to school, so maybe i can work off the massiveamounts of food i ate the past 3 weeks
6. i get to make my own class programs, so im actually only teachingfor 2.5 hours a day... the problem with that is i have a lot ofdowntime...
7. the people are very kind.
i really hope i make friends here. the people are not as enthusiastic as my first village. i think i got really spoiled the first time around. i hope this time flies by. and i hope i stop feeling so sad,because too much downtime means i have more time to think about you girls. i am trying to keep my heart open, but its hard because i want to keep some special places locked up-- the spaces i keep for new york, for la, and now for csatar and bocfolde. I feel childish, but part of me doesnt want to love this place, because if i love this place more, maybe i love csatar a little less. does anyone have a recipe for new love? that way maybe i can have enough to go around.
lovelovelove
foram

Village 1: Complete July 16, 2009

i didnt think i could love this place--these hills, these roads, these vineyards, these people-- in just 3 weeks. i didnt know love could happen that fast. im learning the hard way, the beautiful way, that it can. i just said goodbye to my dear friend anita. she and i spent a lot of time together in these past 3 weeks, despite the fact that we dont speak the same language. but i feel like she knows me better than so many people i can speak english freely with. i have gotten such beautiful, thoughtful gifts and so much love from everyone here. my heart has been tested and stretched and warmed on this journey. today the mayor is throwing me a goodbye party. im humbled and totally honored. needless to say, i never thought i would be the guest of honor at a hungarian ball, but here i am, living the life i could not possibly have imagined. i can only hope that my next village will be a fraction of what this one has been. i hope that the hearts are nearly as big, the eyes nearly as kind, and the arms nearly as open at the ones in csatár and bocfölde. i have learned how to love a different way here. tomorrow i get on a train to komarno, slovakia. after 2 days of partying it up, i will be in Alsobodók (also known as Dolné odokovce), Slovakia.i will write you when i get there.
love
foram

Csak keks, nem szex July 14, 2009

There is a precious little seven year old girl standing next to me at this very moment, talking to me entirely in Hungarian and I have no idea what shes saying. all I can do is smile and nod and look into her eyes as if I understand. I have a feeling she doesnt mind. maybe she just wants someone to listen to her. So im keeping quiet, and she keeps talking. Its been about 2ö minutes. and shes still talking. she pauses sometimes, to see my reaction, espcially when she says something she thinks is funny. she grins wide, her tongue pressed against the spaces between her teeth. when i just smile, she continues her story. so far, i think shes talking about a black and white butterfly....and something about forgetting about her dog. thats the only vocabulary ive recognized in her conversation (fekete, feher, pilango, effeletetem, kutya). she gave me a beautiful drawing she made of an ocean and a fishermen. i will try to continue this email without disturbing bettis (thats the little girls name) story. yesterday i rode on a horse drawn carriage up a mountain and rode on horseback when we reached the top. it was amazing...so beautiful, and frightening. of course, i got eaten alive by mosquitos, but it was worth it. hope i dont come home diseased. it was my first time riding a horse. then, on the way home, i drove a stick shift down the mountain! i never learned to drive one in california, but somehow i managed to learn with my buddy benyo in the passengers seat instructing me in hungarian. it was awesome. i i figured i might as well get as many firsts over with as i can while im at it. i made the decision pretty early on to say yes to as much as possible. that kind of philosophy can change a girls life, ya know?i had an INCREDIBLE time in ljublana with the other volunteers. we met a french couple on the train who had been going to school in lubey for a year so they knew everything about the place. they ended up being our tour guides for the whole day and night. they also ended up becoming our great friends. there was a lot of drinking and eating and wandering through the gorgeous city. we had an amazing 24 hours. i cant wait for slovakia. other than the villagers, some of the other volunteers have become dear friends. alison, yan, camille, diana, ridge...i cant wait for you to meet them. they are hilarious and kind and adventurous and wonderful. they know all about you all and are very excited to see you. were thinking about having a reunion in nyc in the fall. oh, yesterday ran into the sexy young village boy, rolande. he was with his dad and i was with my host dad and they stopped to chat while we made eyes at eachother. if only i was staying here for 3 more weeks! i could totally make it happen! my friend anita, who speaks no english, and i have a saying, "csak keks, nem szex" which means: "just cookies, no sex." which cracks us up and i cant really explain why. i guess we think its funny that im not getting any while im in the village. i love these people so much. i am so lucky to be here, and i can only hope that my village in slovakia is a fraction as amazing as this one. ok, betti is still talking, this time im pretty sure about her pants and something about going upstairs.

i love you all so much

foram

sceretlek July 10

...means i love you. my friends here insist it is by far the most beautiful, poetic word in the hungarian language. indeed, it is lovely to say. it rolls of the tongue more easily than other hungarian words. it feels more like velvet while other words are closer to cotton balls or papier maché (read: üborko, cükorizo).

hi pigeon i just wanted to say hi. i was thinking about something lately and i thought i might talk to you because, really, who else would i tell? so here goes...

being here has taught me so much about what it is like to be an immigrant. i mean, it pales in comparison, because of course, immigrants to a new country do not have a village waiting for them with love and food and fun. but on a very basic level, when it comes to leaving every single thing i have ever known to go to a place where everything is new and uncomfortable, i feel like an immigrant. I didnt even know how to say yes (igen) or no (nem) before I came here...and thats scary to think about now. i think of my parents, who knew enough english to get by but knew less about american culture, and how they managed to become fluent in a language, fluent in an economic and social environment, and fluent in the constant reminder that they are in a land so far away from home. i think i took that for granted for a long time...for my whole life, really. now, i am grateful to them for leaving a place i have seen riddled with social and economic injustice to take me somewhere where I am part of a cultural playground. in india my life would have been radically different--that goes without saying. but what is startling to me is that i was so close to that life. i was just a single generation away from being born and raised there, and probably would have had to do what my mother and father did--move away to another continent forever-- in order to live the life i wanted. Here, in hungary, where i could be easily mistaken for a gypsy, i might as well be a black woman in alabama in 1964. but in the us, im one of millions of indians who are successful, who are welcomed, and who contribute to the life and flavor of american culture. thats amazing. i feel so lucky to have the luxury of taking diversity, good coffee and wifi for granted. i feel so lucky to have been raised just a few steps away from an amazing burrito, an otherwordly falafel, and my moms authentic indian cooking. i can walk down the street and hear french, chinese, spanish and english in a matter of blocks: that is beautiful. and i am learning now that that is uniquely american. and i guess it all sounds a little cliche, but i think i can say... im proud to be an american (cue music).Sylvia plath once said, "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted." I think this is why my heart calls to me so ferociously, and why i cannot dismiss it, no matter how hard i try: because i want to become acutely aware. because this might be the overriding theme of my life. i hope it is.
love
chicken.

zűld fa July 8, 2009

"green grass"
hello loverheadsssss
you are such glorious creatures. i love that you are happy and well and taking care of our city while i am away. i must admit, i am beginning to feel the early pangs of homesickness, which is what i was expecting around the 2 week mark (and like clockwork, here it is..). its alright, i only feel it in the moments i am alone and in the quiet, not preparing a lesson plan or trying to learn a hungarian word or eating delicious fresh food, or oggling cute hungarian men. even then, all i need to do is look through some pictures of my kids or the other volunteers or dig through my pocket and find one of the many sweet notes my host sister leaves me, and the feeling subsides. yesterday i taught my intermediate class about the superbowl and american football and then we went outside and played it. funnnnnn. today i am going to teach them a song, and im still deciding between the beatles, beyonce or michael jackson. i think im going to go with mj as a tribute. this week, ive been going to dinner at my students' houses and talking with them one on one. i think thats the most valuable way to teach them, just by talking to them alone. in the class, everyone is on different levels and you can only learn so much. but one on one, they feel more free to ask me questions and to tell me about themselves. last night one of the teachers (the same one who crushed a lemon leaf into my hand) took me into zalaegerszeg, the city, and took me shopping. it was really nice. we got ice cream and she showed me around...and we communicated with my little hungarian and her little english. it was great. i cant believe the second week is almost over. it is hard to believe that i will be leaving this village, where i already feel like i have been forever. at the same time, one week feels like one month when the sun is already up when i rise at 7am and sets well after 9pm. i dont get much rest these days, but i feel awake all the time, even when i am so tired i cant sleep. i feel alive in a different way-- the energy i feel comes only from me, not from the momentum of my environment, because life is so simple and slow here. i think because of that simplicity, people are happier. everyone says hello to one another, stranger or not. if someone needs a ride, you open your car door. even kids have a different sense of obligation here. every morning, by the time ive woken up, my host brother and sister have already made and eaten breakfast and are helping out at the orchard or the vineyard. and at the dance camp, i noticed that the children were always taken care of by the teens. the teenage boys did all the dishes--piles and piles of them-- after every meal. it wasnt even asked of them, it was just something they knew they should do. when a child needed a place to sit, he could always crawl onto someones lap without hesitation. it is so nice to see people taking care of one another. that kind of love, the kind that is so effortless and natural that it goes unacknowledged, is pretty amazing to see and to feel.

speaking of which, i love you, effortlessly and naturally!
foram

effélététem July 6, 2009

....that means, "i forgot"i cant tell you how much it means to me to see you in my inbox, whether its for a little update on your lives or an amercan flag (zaszlo amerikai).on friday after school some villagers took me to a tiny village called bazakerretye, about half an hour away from bocfolde. its basically a sleep away camp for people who just wanna kick it in the woods. we went straight to the swimming pools (there are 4 of them, all different sizes and temperatures and colors, strangely enough). there were about 2ö people there, all different ages from 7 (the cutest fucking kid with a husky little voice, marcéllo) to 47 (my buddy iréne, who doesnt speak english but weve had the most hilarious conversations). at first, everyone was afraid of this american girl who looks like a gypsy, so for the first night i just danced with them and taught them some indian folk dancing too. by day two, however, EVERYONE wanted to try to speak english with me, which was really sweet. we spent hours in the pool having conversations...very slow conversations, haha...its funny, you have to talk to these totally competent, fine people like theyre dumbasses. that night, after hanging out with the teens in the pool, who were so sweet, the children took over. while the older dancers practiced, the kids and i sat by the campfire and they tried to talk to me. it was the sweetest, funniest thing, to see this kids try to communicate. some of them acted out everything, others drew pictures, one talked to me as if i was deaf...all in hungarian. we took pictures together and ate candy. i can still hear them calling out, foRAM, foRAMMMM! it makes my heart smile. i also chopped wood with this 16 yr old who is too hot for his own good. hes one of kristoff (my host bro)s friends. they both dont speak any english but we managed to hang out despite all their teenage angst. i cracked a little bit of their brooding shell. i had such a good time with them. then i got picked up from the camp and was taken to a picnic that was going on in the village field. it was a sort of senior citizen gathering, and i was only supposed to stay for 10 minutes. well, that turned into 4 hours... so. much. wine. i got wasted with old people. everyone was singing and laughing together. the old men sang to me and the old women showed me pictures of their grandsons... it felt like india. it was hilarious.the rest of the night feels like a dream... scarcely remember the ride home. somehow i managed to shower, AND write a few sentences in my journal, which i think is pretty impressive. i credit you ladies for excellent drunk training. today im going to relax at home, i think. spend more time with my fam, maybe watch some hungarian movies. its weird, i hardly hear my own voice these days, the one im used to, at least. im either talking slowly or loudly or in broken english in order to be understood. i am learning that when you are forced to choose your words carefully, you say only what you mean. thats pretty fucking cool. but when i get back to the states, i cannot WAIT to use as many big, compound, complicated, unpronouncable english words as possible. this weekend i am going to slovenia for two nights with the other volunteers... im so excited, especially seeing that about 2 months ago, i didnt know such a place existed. things like that remind me why im doing this.
i love you.
foram

Kusonom, Scivesen! July 1, 2009

yesterday i climbed a mountain with some local villagers to my friend anitas vineyard. she is hilarious. were teaching eachother hungarian/english and having a great time doing it. on the way up the mountain we stopped at the mayors house, which he is building with his bare hands, overlooking the village. we took a shot of palinka, a VERY potent liquor (about 50 proof) that everyone makes themselves out of peaches. its custom to take shots of it w guests on any occasion. since ive been here, ive lost count of how many shots of it ive taken. anyway. that people here are so great. my students are so smart and so eager. the kids are so so so cute. and my intermediate class is really smart. some of them know a lot of english and are really good speakers. together, we read a little part of the little prince every day. i knew it would come in handy to bring it along :) i am learning so much. im seeing the world in a completely different way. the kindness of strangers, the courage of young people, the beauty of nature totally untouched, the value of hard work, and the magical way the human spirit does not need language to move mountains. it is overwhelming. today the other volunteers and i are are all meeting at a nearby town called zalaegerszeg. if you can believe it, i can actually pronounce that without a problem. i am learning some hungarian while im here... hopefully ill remember it so that when i come back i can still talk to everyone.
i love you all, i miss you all.
pussy (that means "kisses." i know.)
Foram

I'm Hungary. Not Thirsty. June 29, 2009

This is incredible. I am in bocfolde/csatar, two tiny villages of 1000 and 500. this is a breathtaking experience. i cannot explain it. the people are so kind and generous. yesterday y host family, after showing me the beautiful APARTMENT i am living in, paraded me around the village and introduced me to so many new things...orchards, vineyards, pigs, the mayor. i was given a very valuable gift by a local... a giant mushroom. my host mom and i are going to cook it today, i think....i am overwhelmed and so so happy. i taught my first class this morning to wonderful excited children. this afternoon, ill be teaching intermediate kids...people more our age. its really challenging, teaching 2 two hour classes, but i try to fill up the time as much as possible. theyre so eager to learn and i am too. ive been trying to pick up hungarian, but its a tough languag. a few words here and there so far... theyre being patient with me. this is crazy! but they treat me like royalty. theyve never seen an american before, let alone an INDIAN american. they are too cute. did i mention these people are amazing! after having the time of my life in budapest, i miss the other volunteers, but a bunch of us are meeting up this week to catch up and speak as much english as possible. i still cant believe im doing this. its awesome. i will write you more coherently and eloquently at the end of the week. i gots some lesson plans to take care of first. i love you all. ps i showed your pics to my host family and my students and the most common reactions are: "are all americans so beautiful?" and "cool clothes!"
love love love
foram

i am alive, i am alive!

I am sorry. But I have a good excuse: I left the country!
In fact, I am still out of the country. So, instead of blogging and trying to catch up, I am going to post the emails I have sent to my dearest friends. For the time being, consider this an epistolary blog.

But first, a little background: I am in rural Hungary teaching English. I applied to the program back in January, was accepted, and left in June to this country, my first time in Europe. It is amazing!